maning up

there was a person in my life who had caused me a little bit of stress and whole lot of heart ache whom i had some hard feeling towards and i'd been harboring them for months, nearly half a year.
to simplify the story, i will cut straight to the chase.
i hadnt talked to this person in months, or nearly half a year and yesterday i received a text that said:
"im sorry if my insecurities and bullshit hurt you...i know words dont make it better but i was having a hard time and hurting people around me"

you have idea how much relief this simple phrase brought me.
because YES, you DID hurt me and you WERE full of bullshit,
and you're right it DOESNT make it better.

but i appreciated the fact that at least this was a sorry.
that this person acknowledged how awefully they handled the situation
and despite the fact that he is 24 years old, he acted like a little child about it.
i like that this peson maned up to how poorly he'd treated me.
it meant alot.
it made me realize a simple "im sorry" when truely sincere means so much.

"fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me"

life update, not a letter.

lets see, what has happened in the last little while:

i chopped all my hair off for the first time in five years.

i seriously hadnt got a new style since 'locks of love' in 11th grade.

i finished another semester of school, only one more left.

i believe i got all A's, so i am proud of that.

i went to wendover.

i took i lie detector test, talk about intimidating.

it was just like movies, they drilled me for two hours.

i went to some jazz games.

i threw my best friend's bridal shower.

i went to alot of sushi and icecream

i attended my best friend's bachelorette party

i sewed a quilt

and now it is christmas break and im going to slob around for a whole month. things i have planned include: lots of doctor apts to use all this year's insurance money, wedding, wedding dinner, hockey game, girls night with the cousins, family ginger bread cookie decorating, a perhaps a very jersey christmas.

day 11- a dead person you wish you could talk to

i must be weird, because i dont really have any desire to talk to anyone who is dead.
maybe i am too self absorbed in my own life or too ignorant to care.
maybe i am content with who i talk to right now and dont really feel like someone who is dead would change me.

if i had to pick, i would pick someone inspirational like mother teresa or gandhi
to give me a few words of peace and advise.
id pick them to motivate me and keep me inspired, to keep the passion for living and loving.

i would simply ask for encouragement and their advise on how to achieve a meaningful, happy life.

day 10-someone you dont talk to as much as you'd like

hayley marie deshaw,

dweeb, i miss you!

i havent talked to you for a few months because both of our lives got so crazy.

you're married and got a house, how exciting!

i had alot of fun with you and your friends over my birthday/your wedding, even though it was SO stressful for everyone, i'm glad i could be there with you to celebrate.

i miss living with you and coming to get coffee every morning at the bookstore.

i miss your weird drinks you would wip up and test on me, like that green tea frapp.

yummm.

i ALWAYS crave that green tea frapp drink now.

i miss always going to darby and kyle's house with you.

remember when we bought jazz play off tickets and took the train?

that was SO fun!

we made that awesome rap, and then recorded it and broke my bed jumping on it.

hahaha.

gosh, you were a great roommate.

i am so glad tina told you to buy paul's lease, haha.

remember when your car got stuck on the hill at darbys and we pushed and pushed and tried everything, then it miraculously worked?

i wish you were still going to weber, i need a partner in crime.

i miss you lots, and am so happy we are still friends.

i love you girl, and hope all is well up in WA.

your "boosom buddy",

randi.

(i hope you know what boosom buddy is from...its from that slumber party we went to, hahaha, oh my gosh we need to live together again)

day 9-someone you wish you could meet

i dont care to meet celebrities or famous people.

dont get me wrong, i loved the times i met kyle korver or craig owens because i idolize them

but right now there is nobody i am dying to meet who is famous.

weird.

i wish i could meet....my soulmate.
it may sound cheesy, but its true.
i am dying to meet him.
and i'm excited for when i do and everything just feels right
and then we fall madly in love yadda yadda yadda.
i cannot wait.
so soulmate, come introduce yourself.
:)

day 8-your favorite internet friend

i dont really know what this means, so i am going to pick my favorite real life friend who i talk to the most via internet.


da da da dah, LIZ!

(and yes, i did stick us together haha!)

yes liz, your time has come.



liz,

you are so cool, seriously; i envy your life.

you are so pretty and funny and easy going. i love your attitude towards life and the relationship you have with your family.

you are very stylish and i love getting your hand me downs.

i am very impressed with how dedicated you are to working out and being healthy.

you are one hot mama.

i'm happy we met in honors history 10th grade year, then had drivers ed together and dominated fashion divas.

lois loved us.

i like how we can just watch movies or gossip and dont always have to be out doing something.

i like that i can tell you about things and you dont judge me, and i'm not shy to talk about them with you.

i loved our vegas vacation and hope we have another one in our future.

not once did i ever get sick of you that entire week it was just the two of us.

you are so fun, and i cant wait to be fake lesbian cat ladies living together when we get old.

haha.



love, randi.

day 7-your ex bf/crush

nicholas lee,
i miss you still, all the time.
i miss your wonderful family and being with them every day.
i am so grateful for our time together and for how your family opened their hearts to me.

i remember seeing you for the first time in lab across the room, you were wearing a green striped shirt and i got in line for bench assignments behind you so we could be by each other, and it worked! we got to be lab partners. :)

i remember our first date and you wore a plaid shirt and we went to see inglorious bastards and we held hands.
i loved how you'd come over after class for our hour break then drop me back off at school.
i loved how you made me a nickname and since i can only see out of one eye so you'd say it in a pirate accent sometimes. haha. you nerd.
you were really good at snowboarding and i loved when people would post videos of you and always make sure to let me know "he is a legend" and your triple rodeo was nearing perfection.
remember that time we played poker at troys and i won, but it was with your money so really you won? haha.
i loved how you were always helping your family and how your dad taught you to do so many things with your hands, like that time i watched you change your oil. who knew you could do that on your own? not me.
i miss hanging out with you everyday, and cheating on labs together.
i am so happy i got to meet you and your family.
you really are so wonderful!
i hope everything works out well for you because you deserve it.
much love,
randi